


Call Off Your Ghost

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Fingering, Bottom James, Drinking, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Pining, Top Keith, handjobs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 22:37:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15650310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: James Griffin loves Keith Kogane and there is no escaping his feelings.Keith loves Shirogane.James is positive there is only disaster down his path.





	Call Off Your Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> HEY, THANKS SA FOR FUCKING DRAWING SOME JE/JAITH PORN THIS MORNING FOR ME I LOVE YOU BITCH. You can find the art [here](http://lightningstrikes-art.tumblr.com/post/176873920499/thanks-pining-sheith-for-dragging-me-down-this). 
> 
> This isn't 100% Shaith yet but I will for sure add a second part that IS more Shaith vibes so enjoy the porn :)

Leaders are supposed to be brave. They guide their team forward through dark times and never falter while staying strong. Leaders are not afraid of taking risks or changes. Leaders are sound in their decisions. 

Leaders should not be afraid of going into infirmaries and talking to old crushes but here he is: afraid.

It takes him ten times to even convince himself to walk down the hallway toward Keith’s room. It takes him ten  _ more  _ times to calm down so he’s not breathing so hard through his nose he makes himself feel faint. By the time he reaches the doorway, ready to make himself known, James realizes the room is not empty and voices are spilling out in a private conversation.

“Keith,” Shirogane is saying. Of course, Shirogane hardly leaves Keith’s side. Not back during their formative years and not now. “I’m so glad you’re safe. I was so afraid-.”

“Shiro, it’s okay,” Keith says firmly. “I’m okay.  _ You’re  _ okay and Sendak is dead. We’ve lived to fight another day.”

James dares to peer around the corner and sees Keith sitting up in his bed, a bandage wrapped around his head and Shirogane’s hand is cupping his cheek. His thumb rubs against the scar there gently like he’s afraid to break him. The touch is intimate. 

A touch he wants to do himself.

A touch he’s now sure he’ll never have a chance to do. 

“I’m so sorry for this, too,” Shirogane says quietly.

“It wasn’t you,” Keith whispers. “I’m not angry with you. And you shouldn’t be angry with you either. I  _ love  _ you, Shiro. That has never changed.”

James’ eyes go wide when he hears the confession. Shirogane turns pink and he watches in further horror as shirogane leans toward Keith. Their lips brush tentatively - so afraid of one another - but the kiss turns solid quickly. 

James pulls back and leans against the wall, his chest heaving. He should have known he would be too late - too late to change the past and too late to steer his future. 

Keith hadn’t wanted him back then and he definitely didn’t want him now.

Tears sting his eyes but James refuses to let them fall. He can’t cry. Not here. Not now. Not ever. Leaders don’t cry and James is a leader. He has to be strong for his team. For Voltron. For Keith. 

He turns to leave when a strong hand grabs the back of his uniform and drags him unceremoniously into Keith’s room. His heart flies into his chest as he realizes Keith’s mother, a purple alien cat woman, is looking him over curiously while Shirogane and Keith look confused. 

“I found him skulking outside,” Krolia says. “Isn’t this the boy who teased you? Upset you? Mocked you?”

James flinches and shrinks into himself. As a child he’d been a terrible person- maybe he still is, but being called out in front of Keith, his boyfriend,  _ and  _ his mother is too much. He stares at the floor in shame.

“Mom, it’s okay,” Keith says. “We’ve… reached a truce. Right, Griffin?”

James glances up from staring at his shoelaces and sees Shirogane holding Keith’s hand. The blatant intimacy brings a dark cloud over his head. He nods. “Yes, we have.”

“So, you don’t have to kill him,” Keith concluded. “We’re allies now. Comrades? Brothers in arms?”

_ Friends _ ? James wants to ask but doesn’t. Keith does not want to be friends with  _ him _ . 

“I see,” Krolia says. “Fine. You may go.”

James wastes no time and quickly leaves the premises. He walks down the hall calmly at first but once he’s far enough away, he runs, and runs, and runs. He runs as far as he can until he comes to the Garrison roof and he stands at the edge.

Leaders don’t kill themselves because of one bad interaction but he considers jumping. Only for a minute before shaking the intrusive thought away and simply sitting down to stare at the sky. He sits there until the stars shine. 

 

* * *

 

Avoiding Keith becomes second nature for James. He takes breakfast extremely early and dinners late at night. He doesn’t run practice flights or simulations when he knows Voltron and Atlas are practicing. He takes showers well after everyone else has gone to bed. 

Despite his efforts, James still sees them together more often than he wants. Keith and Shirogane are obnoxious- always making eyes at one another, holding hands, kissing, and being extremely loud at night. He knows this because the showers are extremely close to Shirogane’s quarters. He honestly wishes he didn’t know that for a fact.

James spends his time mostly alone. Easier to avoid talking about his feelings when he’s alone. Easier to do anything when he’s alone. Kinkade never bothers him but Veronica is nosy, always wanting to know why he’s off on his own and not with the group. 

He claims he just needs some time to collect his bearing but the truth lies buried six feet under with his heart. He thought once Keith left the Garrison, his feelings for Keith would die but upon seeing Keith again after so many years, James knew his flame would never die. 

He would carry a torch to his grave for Keith Kogane. 

“Hey,” Veronica calls while he’s cleaning his ship. Sometimes, he prefers to do the job himself. “What are you doing? We were going to run some simulations with Voltron. You should join us.”

“Can’t,” he replies shortly. 

“Hm. That’s too bad because  _ Keith  _ was asking for you.”

James freezes and his eyes widen. “Keith?”

“ _ Mhm _ . Wanted to know if you were coming out. Said something about seeing if you could keep up, but I guess if you’re not coming…”

James turns around quickly as the prospect of Keith wanting him to come to their simulation filled him with a promise he thought had died with an intimate kiss seen weeks ago. “I am coming.”

Veronica smirks an all-knowing smirk and James doesn’t like the look of it at all. “I  _ knew  _ it. Your bad moods  _ are _ about Kogane. Kinkade owes me twenty bucks.”

Once James realized he’d been fooled, his face turns bright red and he looks away in shame and embarrassment. Of course, Keith didn’t care about his piloting skills. Keith didn’t care about him at all. He feels stupid for even thinking Keith would ever care about him or give him a second thought.

Veronica’s face shifts to concern. “James?”

“I have work to do,” he says quietly. He turns back around to continue cleaning the ship, even if he’d been cleaning the same spot for hours. 

“James, I’m sorry-.” 

“Go  _ away _ , Veronica!”

Tears burned his eyes again and with no one looking at his face, he lets a few fall. What’s a bit more water to wipe away with a rag?  
  


* * *

 

James does not expect anyone to confront him about his feelings for Keith, least of all Shirogane, so when Shirogane comes up to him while he sits on the roof contemplating where he’d gone wrong to join him, he’s not sure what to expect. He definitely doesn’t expect the question Shirogane asks. 

“Do you have feelings for Keith?” 

James feels his heart drop and chest seize the air right out of his lungs. He stares straight ahead into the desert and tries to regain feeling into his fingertips but they’re numb. “I…” 

“Because if you do, I understand,” Shirogane says slowly. “And I’m not angry or against the idea.”

“Against what idea?” James asks even if he’s afraid of clarification. This was not his life. Love did not come to him in this life or the next. Leaders are doomed to be alone. 

“The idea of you and Keith. Maybe me, too, if you’re into that,” Shirogane replies with a chuckle. He rubs the back of his neck with his floating robotic arm. James tries not to stare at the thickness of the fingers. “I mean it would be Keith’s final decision but just know that I am not against the idea. He and I are pretty open about our relationship. We know our love for each other would never falter or change. We’ve crossed the universe for each other. We’re pretty confident in our feelings but I guess sometimes it’s nice to have something else. Someone else.” 

James can’t look Shirogane in the eye or even at his face because if he does he’s positive he’ll pass out. All of the blood in his head is rushing in waves and crashes and he feels as if he’s about to float away entirely. Shirogane didn’t mind he had a fat crush on his boyfriend (husband? Were they married? James couldn’t be sure) and he also didn’t mind if they fooled around. Together. 

“I– I don’t know what to say,” James whispers because he’s positive his shot is still buried in the ground somewhere. “I wasn’t exactly the nicest to Keith.” 

“I know,” Shirogane mutters. “But people change and you’ve become clearly a good person, James. A strong leader. A pretty nice guy from what I’ve heard around the Garrison. You really grew up.” 

James blushes and wraps his arms around his knees. He grew up because he had to because if he didn’t impress his parents then they would never want him to come home. His parents want him to be the perfect pilot, the perfect son and marry a very nice girl he maybe meets on his space adventures or at the Garrison. The problem with his parent’s plan existed in the way James only thinks of strong, firm boys pressing down on him while he showers. 

Boys with black shaggy hair, mysterious scars, and beautiful eyes the color of galaxies. 

Shirogane goes quiet for a while and they sit together in silence until Shirogane speaks again, ending their silence with another bomb that leaves James chilled. “I’ve been there, James. Wanting him, loving him, and saying  _ nothing _ . I was an idiot because I waited so long and maybe I just didn’t understand my feelings for him or maybe I wasn’t sure he was into me, too, but I loved him so quietly for so long. I felt my flame burning and burning… It was all suffering. He said he loved me first and I knew then I had to tell him… So, I did. My point is, is that you shouldn’t wait. If you have feelings for Keith… Tell him. Tell him now before it’s too late.” 

Shirogane leaves him on the roof to contemplate his words. The sky and stars above twinkle beautifully and the desert heat makes him sweat along the back of his neck. James runs his mind through scenarios – if Keith had remained in the Garrison, would  _ they  _ have ended up together? Would Keith have always left for Shirogane? If Shirogane had stayed, married Adam, would Keith have chosen him? 

Was he always a second choice? 

James sighs and presses the heels of his hands into his eye sockets until he sees nothing but colors and shifting patterns. He doesn’t have the required confidence to talk to Keith, to bare his feelings outwardly like exposed wounds. He stands up and goes downstairs toward his room to dig under the bed until his fingers wrap around the neck of a heavy bottle. He heaves the alcohol out and dusts the label off. He found the vodka on a journey into the city but had never had a need to drink any until tonight. 

The bottle opens easily and the smell makes his eyes burn but he takes a long swig. The alcohol burns on its way down and he gags but takes another swig. The second drink doesn’t burn as badly and leaves a terrible aftertaste. By the third long pull on the neck, James is feeling light and his cheeks are warm. He drags himself upright and walks down toward Kogane’s room he shares with Shirogane. He takes another drink. 

The fourth has him feeling looser, relaxed, and maybe a little sick to his stomach but he pushes that aside. He goes to knock on the door when he hears the stairwell door open and a shadow disappear. Of course, Keith likes to sit on the roof, too. 

James takes a half drink this time and forces himself to walk back to the roof and as he figured Keith sat on the roof staring up at the night sky. He sets the bottle down and tries to saunter up to Keith but the alcohol makes him clumsy and half trips and half falls right at Keith’s spot. 

“Shit! You scared me, Griffin,” Keith gasps, his hand on his chest. He frowns further when he sees James’ face. “Are you okay?”

“ _ Great _ ,” James says with a smile and he sits up on his knees, pushing his hair back out of his face. “Shirogane says I should tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Keith asks.

“Says I should tell you how I feel about you.” 

Keith rolls his eyes. “You’re drunk, James. Go to bed.” 

“ _ No _ ,” James says fiercely. He grabs Keith’s hand and holds it even if he’s sure Keith might actually punch him in the face again. Last time he’d definitely deserved it and he supposes he probably deserves it again. He’s always doing something stupid. “I was an asshole to you because I liked you. You’re with Shirogane now and I’m an idiot, you know? I wasted my chance or maybe I never even had one, to begin with, I don’t know. But I like you.” 

Keith stares at him and then flicks his eyes down to where they’re still holding hands but he doesn’t pull away. James likes Keith’s hands – they’re warm, real, and calloused. Pilot’s hands. Warrior’s hands. Keith’s hands. 

“I know,” Keith says. “Shiro told me before you came up here. I figured you’d come to find me so here I am. Found as I figured.” 

“He told you,” James repeats slowly. “Fuck.” 

Keith leans over so close James can smell the leather of his uniform and the cologne he wears – a soft smell, nothing overpowering but the scent drives James wild. Keith presses their lips together so softly James is sure he’s hallucinating. The kiss ends too quickly and James chases Keith’s mouth for more but Keith presses a finger to James’ mouth to stop him. 

“You’re too drunk to do anything right now,” Keith tells him and James feels his face heat like the sun. “When you’re not so wasted, come find me. We can figure out what makes us both feel good.”

James shudders and nods. He’s not sure he can stand up so he just sits back on his haunches and stares at Keith like he’s a fever dream. Maybe he is dreaming. Maybe he’ll wake up on the roof, hungover, sunburnt, and alone.

What a pathetic way to live his life but he can’t believe Keith is really here, kissing him, and offering to see him again. Probably without clothes on. 

“You need help going downstairs?” Keith asks with a knowing smirk. “I’ll lend you my shoulder.” 

James nods and together they stumble back to James’ room, where Keith even tucks him in, and makes sure he’s sitting up. Once his head hits the pillow, the alcohol drags him down into sleep. He dreams of Keith kisses and illicit hangouts in the simulator. 

 

* * *

 

James doesn’t go to see Keith for three days. 

Partly because he’s too afraid and partly because his hangover was killer. Mostly fear. 

James finds Keith on the roof and Shirogane is sitting with him. Seeing them together almost makes James leave but Shirogane half turns and spots him before he can flee. He smirks a little, leans over to kiss Keith softly, and then he leaves. James blushes and stares at the ground as Shirogane leaves them alone. He has no idea what to expect but there is a blanket on the ground where Keith is sitting.

“You coming over here, Griffin, or you just gonna stand there?” Keith calls with a snort. 

“Sorry,” James mutters and shuffles over to where Keith is sitting. Slowly, he sits down, too, trying to keep their bodies from not touching but Keith presses their thighs together immediately. James feels his soul leave his body and eject into space. 

He isn’t going to survive the night. 

“You sober?” Keith asks. James nods. Keith nods and leans over to kiss him again, this time, the kiss is deeper and James feels Keith’s tongue run along his bottom lip. He opens his mouth without question – he will do anything for Keith.

He just wants to please Keith and make Keith at least half his. He’ll take one quarter his. He’ll take anything Keith is willing to give him. James is not a picky man. 

The kiss and Keith ease James back onto the blanket and James doesn’t remember it happening but Keith is shirtless on top of him and his own jacket and shirt are rucked up under his chin. He can feel Keith’s arousal pressing against his own and the friction is driving him wild. He whines and tilts his head back for Keith to kiss his neck. Keith obliges and sharp teeth nip at the flesh along his pulse.

James groans, his fingers tangling in Keith’s sweaty locks, pulling and tugging gently. He doesn’t want to overstep. Keith spreads his thighs crudely and tugs his pants down so swiftly the motion leaves James blushing all the way down to his navel. Keith’s hands wrap around him and tug, and James feels his eyes close as Keith takes him to nirvana.

The blanket rucks beneath his fingers and Keith’s bigger, harder, but James tries not to focus on that too much. He just wants to hold on long enough for Keith to spill first. He doesn’t want to come first. He doesn’t want to prove how big of a virgin he really is. Keith’s so confident in his motions, the way he kisses, the way he grinds James hard down into the ground.

James moans and whimpers helplessly – the sounds embarrass him but this is everything he’s ever wanted. He only regrets there is no lubricant to let Keith have all of him. Keith shoves two fingers into his mouth as if reading his mind and James sucks the digits obligingly. He stares up at Keith and hopes he looks sexier than he feels. He hopes Keith isn’t picturing Shirogane. 

The thought makes him gag and he has to cough. Keith pauses in his advances, his slick fingers already trailing along his perineum, right above his hole, but he stops. Oh God, James doesn’t want Keith to stop.

“Don’t stop,” James gasps. “Please.” 

“You were choking.” 

“I’m fine,” James gasps, sitting up on his elbows to cough some more. His arousal has depleted he realizes too late.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing–.” 

“Well, you’re only half hard now and you didn’t come yet, so what’s wrong?” Keith demands. “Am I going too fast? I can slow down if you’re not ready for this.” 

“I  _ am _ ,” James snarls fiercely. He has to do this tonight, just in case, there is no future chance. He can’t give this up just because he has no self-confidence. 

“Then tell me what went through your mind just now.” Keith raises one of James’ legs and drapes it over his scarred shoulder. He turns and presses a kiss to his knee. The kiss is more intimate than James’ brain can currently process. 

“I thought you might be picturing Shirogane while doing this,” he admits slowly. 

“You’re nothing like Shiro,” Keith refutes immediately. “First of all, you don’t have a floating arm that can finger my asshole while I fuck you.”

James’ eyes widen and he turns bright red at Keith’s admission. He gasps  _ more _ when Keith slips a finger in – the feeling isn’t painful in the sense he’d always pictured it being but he’s never felt so full. “Oh, fuck,” he gasps, clenching Keith’s finger hard. 

“Breathe,” Keith says and places his free palm against James’ stomach. “Breathe deep.” 

James draws in some deep breaths at Keith’s command until he feels his body relax. “Fuck… Fuck that feels…” 

“Does it hurt? I’ll stop if it hurts.” Keith leaves his palm on James’ stomach to feel him breathe in deep.

“It doesn’t hurt,” James whispers. “It just… feels different. New.”

“Good.” Keith fingers him slowly and only with one. “Good. I’m not picturing Shiro because first of all, that’d be fucking rude. Secondly, you’re not Shiro. You’re James and I’m fucking you, not Shiro. I like fucking you. You’re hot.” 

James moans and arches his back, his fingers pulling the blanket hard. Keith’s praise makes his arousal grow again and he can feel it throb insistently. Keith smirks knowingly but James can’t place the look until Keith speaks again. 

“Oh, you like praise, do you?” Keith asks. “You like being called a  _ good boy _ ?” 

James’ face heats up again and he can feel his entire body flush at the words. He throbs and aches and has to discipline himself to not start jerking off in front of Keith. He has to stay aroused for Keith. 

“You do,” Keith muses. “It’s okay, Shiro does, too.” 

“He- He does?” James gasps. 

“ _ Oh _ , yeah. I think we all do, just a little,” Keith admits, fingering him faster. “But you  _ really _ like it, don’t you? You fucking gorgeous asshole.” 

James moans again and he feels his stomach dampen from his own dripping. Keith bends down and briefly, runs his tongue up his length which makes him twitch and gasp. James had always wondered what Keith’s mouth would look like stuffed with dick. Now he knows – good. Fucking good. 

Keith sits upright again and his finger slowly eases out of him and his hands trail along his thighs. Goosebumps flourish beneath his touch and James notes Keith’s nails are longer than they had been earlier in the night. His eyes are yellow cast. 

Keith is beautiful.

“I want to fuck you but you’re too much of a tight little virgin for that up here tonight,” Keith says which makes James blush  _ again _ . If only he could have a dollar each times Keith makes him blush, he’d be a rich man.

“Sorry,” he whispers even if he’s not sure why he’s apologizing. Maybe he’d practice on his own late at night with his own fingers. 

“For what? For being a virgin? We all start there at some point,” Keith replies with a snort and runs both of his hands along James’ stomach and up to his chest. His fingers tweak James’ nipples and it’s too much – he can’t hold it anymore and the orgasm burns hot and quick through James’ entire body. 

He gasps and moans, spilling against his stomach while his body twitches and rides through the pleasure. Keith watches him curiously and they kiss afterward slowly. James can still feel Keith’s own hardness still against him, throbbing and hot. He reaches down to wrap his hand around his thick girth to help him out. 

He wants to be a good boy, after all. 

Keith moans quietly, eyes closing, and hips rolling into James’ palm with each stroke. James bites his lip to concentrate on pleasuring Keith and finishing him. When Keith does finally come, James shivers at the intensity of the way Keith moans and how his hips snap forward into James’ palm. He can feel Keith’s warmth spill over his thighs and he feels dirty but he wants to live in this feeling forever. 

Especially since he has no idea if it will ever happen again. 

“Fuck,” Keith mutters, trying not to just melt onto James but James wraps his arms around Keith to encourage the cuddling after. 

Cuddling.

Christ. 

Doing wonders for his rep. 

Keith kisses him and places his head on James’ chest. “Next time, we invite Shiro,” Keith promises. 

“Next time?” James asks shyly. 

Keith grins and leans up to kiss him again. “Next time. I haven’t even gotten a chance to really fuck you yet and you moan so pretty.” 

Keith has made him blush so many times, what’s one more added to the list? 

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on [tumbr](http://pining-sheith.tumblr.com/)


End file.
